


Health, Body, and that one HideKane smutlet

by myfineasymptote



Series: Mfa's Many Tumblr Misadventures [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan, Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Body Worship, Condoms, Crossdressing, Dork!Levi, Humor, Lube, M/M, Minor Dom/Sub, Silly, Software engineer! Levi, Threesome - F/M/M, i can't serious angst for the life of me, no seriously these will be just so silly, ribbed for "her" pleasure, uhh shit i can't remember what else is in these, woops i porn'd
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-06
Updated: 2015-05-24
Packaged: 2018-03-29 09:13:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3890794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myfineasymptote/pseuds/myfineasymptote
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Crossposting my tumblr drabbles on here.</p><p>Chapter 1: Ereri, Teen<br/>Chapter 2: HideKane, Explicit<br/>Chapter 3: HideTouKane, Explicit<br/>Chapter 4: HideKane, Explicit, Cross-dressing and minor dom/sub<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Ereri - teen - health & body

**Author's Note:**

> Alright so I actually work at Target, and I stock the Health and Body section of the store. You know what that means? *eyebrow waggles* I stock all the condoms and lube a gay couple could could ever need.
> 
> This was inspired by some of my thoughts when I first started working here~

Levi is on day 12 of crunch time, and he is running on empty. The client had met with them earlier that day to approve the final prototype and he knew, he just knew that they were going to bitch that it wasn't “working properly” even though they had explained multiple times that the algorithm that they had been provided was literally impossible to implement, and the one they had found, while different, would be much better and more importantly would actually work. 

God Levi hates his job. Levi sips from a cold cup of coffee and blearily begins to type up a report to Erwin about one of the use cases he’s not sure they covered when his phone beeps from somewhere behind him.

Sighing, Levi pushes away from his desk and spins his chair around to look for the stupid phone. _I swear to god if it’s Mr. Banks calling about the prototype again I will shove an umbrella up his ass._

After shuffling aside papers for several minutes, Levi finds and checks his work phone. Nothing.

What the heck? On a whim, Levi fishes through his coat pockets for his personal phone.

_Text message from: Eren_

Levi frowns. Eren knows he has work today. Why is he bothering him? And anyway he’s not getting off until- oh shit today is Friday. _Sweet mother and jesus I have my day off tomorrow._

At that thought, Levi slips into a daydream about his bed. God, so comfywarmgreat is his bed. He can’t wait to sleep in it forever. Bury his face in his pillow, snuggle into his covers, curled up next to- oh right, Eren.

_From: Eren_

>hey do we need anything from the store 4 2nite???

_To: Eren_

>I’m really tired. I’m just going to go to sleep.

Levi stops and takes a closer look at the time.

>Shouldn't you be at work?

Cradling the phone loosely in his hand, Levi goes back to his desk to continue writing his report. If Erwin complains he can show him a choice place in which to shove it considering the week he’s just had.

After a few minutes, his phone beeps again.

_From: Eren_

>mika sent me 2 get tampons. why are there like 555 types??? what kind should i get

_To: Eren_

>Haven't I told you already that I was born by C-Section? That means I have literally never touched a vagina in my life. Why are you asking me this question.

_From: Eren_

>touchy! oh hey what kind of condoms do we use

_What._

_To: Eren_

>What.

_From: Eren_

>i found the condom aisle. why did they hide it behind the tampons?? if you’re on your period you are not having sex it’s gross as hell

Levi stares at his phone in dumb silence. Distantly he knows he should type out a reply- something positive and encouraging now that Eren is taking an active interest in their sexual safety but it seems the only thing that is running through his mind is eren is looking at condoms why is eren looking at condoms why why why

_From: Eren_

>”ribbed for her pleasure” i think i like the sound of that. oh hey they’ve got lube too! 

_From: Eren_

>hey what you think would be better, self-warming or couple’s lube??? couple’s says it has a nice tingling feeling but our lube is always cold

Face now firmly aflame, Levi drops his head into his hands with a groan. Erwin, mistakenly assuming it was frustration directed at himself, calls out that the client has settled and that Levi can go home for the night just as Eren sends one last text message:

_From: Eren_

>i bought both and the ribbed

Levi’s heart stutters, and after a few false starts he finally manages a reply to Eren and a quick farewell to Erwin.

_To: Eren_

>Don’t forget to drop off Mikasa’s tampons before coming over. I’m heading out now.


	2. HideKane- NSFW- teh full smex

Hide smiled down at Kaneki. “Don’t be nervous. I promise, I’ll like whatever you decide to do.”

The ghoul smiled nervously back, and gave a nervous affirmation. After all, how could he be certain that Hide meant what he said? That it wasn’t just an adverse reaction to finding out Kaneki’s true nature?

Pushing Hide down on the bed, Kaneki tried to seem self-assured. He achingly slowly stripped Hide of his shirt-reveling in the short gasp of anticipation- and began to slowly lick ad nibble his way down towards his pert nipples.

“Careful, I’m not one of your meals,” Hide remarked, after a too-sharp bite. Kaneki laughed, but inwardly felt a bit disappointed that his partner was not all that into pain. Shrugging that feeling off, and resolving to love Hide all the more, Kaneki began to kiss his way down past his lovely little nips, down his chest, past the little belly button, down to that beautiful brown trail, the edge of his blue boxers…

Licking at the edge, Kaneki tried not to seem to desperate as he whispered, “Can I?”

“Can you what, Kaneki-kun?” Hide smiled down at him like he’d just asked a question from their History class review packet.

“Can I…” Aw man, Kaneki couldn’t say it. This was just too embarrassing.

“Can you…?” Hide prompted. 

“CanIlickyourass?” Kaneki mumbled.

“Sorry, Ken, didn’t quite catch that.”

Oh, Hide had to be fucking with him, now. He couldn’t even hide the laugh in his voice.

Instead, Kaneki decide to show him what he meant, tugging down Hide’s underwear in one stroke and licking at his cock.

An immediate squawk of protest morphed into a moan a that, swiftly devolving into short gasps as Kaneki continued his inexpert licks and laps at Hide’s rapidly hardening cock.

After a few moments and a stifled “Ken- I’m gonna-” Kaneki pulled back, and watched Hide’s face as he slowly came back from the brink. He watched as Hide’s face went from a flushed, gasping pink to its normal, pale tone, and marveled at how beautiful his boyfriend was.

As he was pondering Hide’s perfection, said beauty looked in the eye and solemnly whispered, “Fuck me, Kaneki.” 

At that, the ghoul started. This was  _far_  from their first time having sex. but Hide bottoming? Although he enjoyed a good salad toss as well as the next man, Kaneki had always been the one riding the dick train in their relationship. As if sensing the “are you sure?” Hide whispers, “I trust you. I love you. And I want you.”

Unable to hide his smile, Kaneki sits between Hide’s legs and kisses his beautiful thighs, In just a few moment, he has grabbed the lube from the desk side drawer and squirts some on two fingers, rubbing them together to try and warm it, then pressing it to Hide’s gorgeous hole.

Hide gasps, perhaps in surprise at the touch, perhaps at the (still fairly cold) lube, but quickly hums for Kaneki to continue.

Withing just a few minutes of scissoring his fingers, Kaneki can fit three fingers in Hide’s ass, although guiltily he notices that the latter looks decidedly uncomfortable.

“Feeling okay, love?”

“Yeah,” Hide frowns. “It just… feels weird,”

Kaneki has no response to that. From the first moment he rode Hide’s fingers, he felt like he had been reborn into a new, fiery, fiercely sexual being. “Weird” had never factored into it.

“Well, just… Hold on…”

Kaneki now held a finger inside of Hide, feeling up and around, searching for that one spot mentioned in all the gay sex handbooks, and- 

“Oh!” Hide’s twisted into an unrecognizable expression.  _Found it_ , Kaneki’s inner voice crowed.

Carefully, Kaneki twisted his finger around that spot, eliciting an occasional gasp as he accidentally brushed it, but other wise not acknowledging it as he worked two, three, then four fingers into Hide’s now gaping ass.

“Ken,” Hide gasped, as Kaneki brushed his prostate gently with his four finger, “Fuck me. I’m ready. Fuck, I want your cock. Fuck me!”

Blushing, Kaneki withdrew his fingers, pumped at his own erection (not that he needed to- seeing Hide dissolve into a slutty mess from just his hand had left him rock hard), and positioned himself at the entrance to Hide’s ass. “I’m going in,” he whispered, to which Hide gasped “Fuck, yesss….”

Sliding a few inches in, Kaneki could not hold back a low groan. God, even after prepping him with four fingers Hide was still so fucking warm and tight around his cock. “ _Fuck”_  is the only word he can manage, just as Hide whispers a quiet, “Yesss…”

Withdrawing, Kaneki coats himself in more lube, reinserts himself, and slips a few inches deeper and it’s all he can do to stop himself from coming. He must have hit the spot though, because Hide shudders and goes limp on the bed, before pressing his hips up on Kaneki’s dick murmuring, “Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me…”

At that, Kaneki loses himself. Impaling Hide’s tight little ass on his thick dick, Kaneki thrusts harder and harder against the human. At some point, his eye must have turned red, because Hide stares at it and begins murmuring for him to “Eat me, eat me, fuck, eat me, fuck I love you, Ken, I love you-”

And at that Kaneki feels an explosion of warm feelings in his gut and his dick as he empties himself inside Hide. Closing his eyes, he buries himself deep inside the human and just savors the feeling of the warm tightness around his cock, before the feeling grows to be to much and he has to pull out. After a few moments of exhausted panting, Kaneki realizes that Hide is rapidly jerking himself off, staring at him and whispering, “Ken, Ken, Ken, Ken-!”

Kaneki drops to his knees, wraps his lips around Hide’s dick, and gives it the faintest of licks and Hide comes, flooding his mouth with bitter salty wetness. Forcing himself to swallow it down, Kaneki grins up at Hide in a fucked-out daze.

“God, I fucking love you, Ken.”

“Love you too, Hide.”


	3. HideTouKane, NSFW

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hide and Touka welcome Kaneki back to Anteiku, which quickly turns into an apology to Hide from Kaneki, guest starring Touka.
> 
> Just smut that's what I do when I get drunk. I write smut.

“Welcome back, master,”

Kaneki blinked. Then rubbed his eyes. Blinked a second time. 

“Hide, what on earth are you wearing?”

Hide lets out a noise that can only be described as a giggle, completely unashamed. “What ever you want me to wear, master.”

Touka walks up behind Kaneki, wraps her arms around him, and chuckles.

“Because it looks to me like you’re wearing, you’re wearing a-” Kaneki shakes his head, flustered. “A french maid outfit.”

“If you don’t like it, master,” Touka whispers seductively, “Maybe you should ask him to take it off?” At that, Hide gives a pleased hum.

Kaneki glances back and forth between the two of them. “Wait, the both of you…?”

He ponders this for a second.

“Alright, fuck it. But not me,” Kaneki nods at Hide. “Touka, could you please undress Hide?”

Touka immediatly releases Kaneki and walks- no, struts over to Hide. 

The blond seems a bit surprised at this turn of events. “Master? If you want me to do something, I can-”

“Hide,” Kaneki’s voice is hard, but softens to affection. “I haven’t been a very good friend to you lately. I abandoned you, I lied to you, I looked to other people to try to replace you… Touka and I are going to help make it up to you.”

At the mention of her name, Touka pulls Hide into a soft, gentle kiss. After a second of surprise, Hide begins to kiss back.

Kaneki walks silently back behind Hide, and moves closer. Hide jumps as he feels Kaneki’s lips at his neck, but he soon is moaning as hickeys are sucked into his neck with just the right amount of pain to leave him aching with pleasure.

Pausing in his ministrations, Kaneki purrs to Touka, “Did you forget my order? We won’t be getting anywhere if he stays dressed in this outfit-” he flips up Hide’s cute skirt-”-gorgeous as it is.” Touka lets out a soft hum in affirmation, and begins slowly rubbing the ruffles on Hide’s arms, dragging them lower and lower…

Meanwhile, Kaneki begins work on Hide’s lower half. Hide shudders at the warm breaths huffing at his neck, occasionally broken by a warm lap of a tongue. He shudders again when he feels a pair of hands slip beneath his skirt, feels them fumble at his garter belt…

Kaneki whispers, “God that’s sexy,” and drops to his knees, pulling the skirt low over his ass and just

kisses it

Hide gasps, breaking the kiss with Touka to throw his head back in pleasure. His erection throbs against the tight constriction of the garterbelt, and only moans as Touka begins kissing and sucking at his neck.

As Touka begins working at the buttons on the back of HIde’s shirt, Kaneki begins gently tugging the skirt downward and Hide can’t help but gasp as his cock is exposed to the cool night air. “Hide,” Kaneki whispers, “turn around. I want to look at you.”

Trying not to tremble at all the stimulation, Hide slowly turns to face Kaneki. The half-ghoul’s right eye has turned completely red in excitement, he notes, but all rational though flies out of his brain as Kaneki snaps his garter belt on his hips, the brings his hands downward to press against his leaking cock-

-and suddenly warm hands brush against his ass cheeks, gently kneading them. “Wow, Hide,” Touka laughs lowly, “I bet you’d just love to have Kaneki pounding this tight ass of yours-”

Hide lets out a high pitched whine that he didn’t know he was capable of making.

“ _Yes,”_  Kaneki moans, tugging the garterbelt down and bring his face forward-

-lapping at his cock like it was the most delicious thing he had ever tasted-

-Just as Touka cards her way through his ass cheeks to rub at the sensitive rim of his asshole-

Hide comes harder than he ever has before. He feels enveloped in white ligth, a blissful heaven from which he never wishes to come down.

Unfortunately, his wish is not granted, and, gasping, he slowly returns to the real world to see Touka licking his semen off Kaneki’s face.

Hide whimpers. Kaneki grins. “Oh don’t worry, we’re just getting started.”


	4. HideKane, NSFW, Skirts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hide opens the box almost hesitantly. “It’s a skirt.”
> 
> Haise gives him a worried look, like he is about to call the whole thing off as it was just a joke, Hide, got you really good this time-
> 
> Hide smiles. “Is it for you, or for me?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M NOT DRUNK YOU'RE DRUNK

Haise gives him a worried look, like he is about to call the whole thing off as it was just a joke, Hide, got you really good this time-

Hide smiles. “Is it for you, or for me?”

“So, umm,” Haise begins hesitantly. “Are you sure you want to do this? I can always retur-”

Hide wraps his hands around his waist and smiles affectionately. “I told you. Whatever you want to do, I’m down for. So long as it doesn’t involve pain.”

Haise smiles and keeps nervously playing with the cardboard box in his hands.

“Come on, let me see it,” Hide encourages gently. Haise anxiously continues toying with the box for a few moments before pressing it into Hide’s hands with a terrified expression.

Hide rips the box open with a sharp tug.

“Okay now, before you judge me-”  “It’s women’s clothes.”

Too late, Hide realizes that his staetement of disbelief could be misconstrued. At Sasaki’s crestfallen expression, he’s certain it has been. Hide opens his mouth to reassure him- “Please don’t break up with me,” - and promptly snaps it shut in shock. How could Haise ever think a simple kink like this would be grounds for breaking up? 

“I- I know it;s weird, and terrible, and I’m not trying to pretend we’re heterosexual, I just  _really like skirts_  and I-”

Hide decides to show rather then tell for once, and presses a finger to Haise’s lips in the universal signal for silence.

“Are these for you, or for me?”

He can see the tension bleed from Haise’s shoulders. “…You,”

“But if you don’t want to, we don’t have-” Hide presses another finger to his lover’s lips, and sashays to the bathroom to put on his new outfit.

When he emerges, clad in a tasteful mid-thing length red skirt and matching yellow blouse, Hide is pleased to see Haise’s jaw drop. And he can almost see another part rising. Putting an exaggerated sway in his gait, he approaches the half ghoul, noticing the way his gaze drops to the flare of his skirt…

“Do you like it, babe?”

Haise looks him up and down, eyes dark in lust. When he finally speaks, his tone is gravelly with a different kind of hunger. “…yeah.”

He stands, hands fluttering like he’s afraid the vision will dissipate if he interacts with it. 

“It looks,” he swallows, and continues in a tone of wonder, “ _way_  better than I’d imagined.”

“Oh?” Hide teases, “You’ve been imagining me in a skirt? What a naughty boy.” Hide brings his hands up to Haise’s chest, and shoves him down onto the bed. He climbs on his lover’s lap and prompts, “Safe word?”

“Banana,” Haise responds immediatly, eyes  locked on the red fabric on the crotch of his jeans.

“Hey.” Hide calls, bending slightly to tilt Haise’s face toward his. “Eyes on me.”

Once he’s satisfied that he has achieved eye contact, Hide begins slowly rolling his hips on Haise’s crotch.

The other gasps and almost shuts his eyes at the pleasurable feeling, barely catching himself in time. He quickly loses control of his breathing, taking harsh gasps at every grind on him.

Hide grins at the lump hardening against his ass. In a breathy whisper, he scolds, “Someone has been a very dirty boy. What do you have to say for yourself?”

It takes Haise a long moment to process and catch his breath, but when he does the response is golden. “Punish me, baby, please, I’ve been bad, please please please punish- agh!” At a particularly hard grind against the (painfully) tight tent in his pants, Haise loses his train of thought and is left merely gasping and whimpering at the delicious torture.

Hide takes his sweet time deciding how best to punish his cute lover. Make him watch as Hide plays with himself? Have Haise fuck himself with the dildo they keep for “special occasions”? Or perhaps…

Hide stops his grinding- to a groan of disappointment from Haise- and rises, to grab the lube from the nightstand. “Undress yourself,” He commands absentmindedly, considering. On the one hand, watching the investigator dissolve into a puddle of sexy moans and cum with a vibrator in his ass is something Hide will never tire of, but on the other, Haise had been so excited to get him in this skirt, and it’s been a while since Hide’s felt that tight ass around his cock…

Making his decision, Hide grabs the lube, and turns to see Haise trapped trying to remove his shirt, after seemingly given up removing his pants (apparently he had forgotten the belt).

Chuckling, Hide helps him pull the offending shirt off his head, and unbuckles his belt. Finally, Haise pulls down his pants and underoos, standing fully nude and painfully erect, giving Hide the most adorable pleading look, waiting for the next instruction. 

Hide points him to the bed, slips him the lube, and commands, “Prepare yourself.”

With a sharp exhale, Haise collapses to the bed, slathers his hand in lube, and shoves three fingers in himself with a wince.

“Do it properly.” Hide says sternly.

Haise shoots him another pleading look, but obediently remove his fingers, slowly working in one, rolling it around, then a second…

Before long, Haise hits that spot within himself, and is leaning over, gasping once again, fucking himself on his fingers with small gasps of pleasure.

Hide watches absently, stroking his cock absently. He can’t wait to feel that tight, wet heat around his cock. He might even have Haise lay on his back, so he can see Hide fucking him in his cute little skirt. Hide flicks his wrist up to rub at the head of his cock, spreading the beads of pre around.

He lets his hand drift back down to the base of his dick, squeezes tightly, and  _god_ , he can just imagine his cute slut on his knees, drinking down his cum and milking his cock for all it’s worth… A sharp gasp interrupts Hide’s fantasy, and he notices that Haise has progressed to three fingers, and is sitting up on his knees and fucking himself on them, head thrown back, eyes shut in pure ecstasy-

With a movement that surprises even himself, Hide knocks Haise forward, and yanks hid ass up to meet his crotch. It only takes a moment for him to position himself, and he thrusts himself deep inside that tight heat and  _god_ , it’s even better than he’d imagined. He’s only half way inside and he already feels like coming. It’s so tight, even with all that preparation, he feels like it’s squeezing the cum out of his dick.

After a moment to allow Haise to catch his breath, Hide slowly withdraws, before thrusting slowly back into that tight dry heat, and jesus he wants to pound that ass so badly, but he won’t. He’ll wait as long as Haise needs, in fact…

Hide pulls out, and pulls gently at Haise’s arm, muttering, “Turn over, babe. You were so happy to see me in these clothes; don’t you want to see me fucking you in them?” At which Haise gives a low whine, and flips onto his back.

Hide smirks, and gives himself a few more lazy strokes. “What do you think? I’m so pretty, aren’t I?”

“… Yes,” Haise gasps after a long pause, “Gorgeous, so pretty, love you love-  _ahh!”_ He cries, as Hide repositions himself and thrusts in. After another pause, this one much shorter, Haise gives the nod and Hide begins lovingly thrusting in.

The whole skirt outfit isn’t really working- Hide keeps noticing lube getting on it as he finally fucks his way fully inside, and the pre cum leaking from Haise’s cock keeps dripping on his blouse, but if the way Haise stays painfully hard, watching Hide’s cock disappear underneath the red folds is any indication, it’s probably going to become a mainstay in their sex life.

Hide begins slowly picking up the pace, thrusting faster and faster, until his balls are pounding aganst Haise’s taint and they’re both gasping in ecstasy-

Hide comes first, spilling his seed in Haise’s ass, hitting that sensitive prostate gland, and Sasaki is clenching around him, milking his cock for all it’s worth.

Gasping, they both still and recover their breaths.

“I think we ruined the outfit,” Hide laughs, pulling out and fingering the wet spot where Haise had come on his blouse.

Haise grins lazily. “You know, I actually thinks it looks better like that.”

Hide can’t explain the twist that statement causes in his lower belly, but he thinks it will prove a very enjoyable experience in the near future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ALso hey. Hey peeps. You know what you should do. You should send me prompts. Or pairings. Or prompts for pairings. Either here or on my [tumblr](www.myfineasymptote.tumblr.com). Tsukikane, TouHide, Ereri, PetPlay, Dom/Sub, I will totes write it. Dooo iiiitttttt.


End file.
